When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
