You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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