it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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