Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
