yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
