phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
