Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
