you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
