nut hugger
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
