if i can run in heels then i can drive
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
