This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
