i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
