I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I wear drunk well.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
