Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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