Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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