Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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