i love accidental penises.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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