But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
