I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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