What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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