Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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