Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
