its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
