You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
This is the high leading the old right now
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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