if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
