Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
