Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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