So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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