1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
