Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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