I hate your face
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
