Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
