That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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