Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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