i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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