She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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