I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
