Apparently you make a good broom.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
