what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
