He asked to "fluff my boner.."
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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