M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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