The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
