all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
