this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
