Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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