and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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