I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
