How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
