I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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