Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
