Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
