physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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