He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I wish you could order shots online.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
