I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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