she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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