i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
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Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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