Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
