At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just want nice things and good sex
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
