he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
