I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
