Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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