In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
