My hand turned me down
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
