Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
